After my last entry was a bit somber, and since I really want to share more about the Happy-bumble-bees, here’s one that still touches me to this day.
“How do you handle all of this?” I get asked this question often. I can’t answer it properly, except maybe: I have a box. I put all the sadness into this box. In the long run, this has pros and cons. Especially when you no longer know what’s in the box, can’t remember, and don’t know how to open it anymore. The result: traumas and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). I’ll be writing more about this soon.
But today, it’s about Annika, who was 10 years old back then.
About 2.5 years ago, a day came that was completely unexpected for me. I had just returned from a neurological rehab, feeling ecstatic. A few weeks earlier, I had resolved a major, long-standing pain issue that had plagued me for over 20 years. But the day after my return – a truly uncomfortable feeling. Fear. But of what? I didn’t know. Suddenly, I was having panic attack after panic attack. But of what? I kept asking myself this question. Everything was supposed to be better now. It kept getting worse, and I couldn’t calm down. For days. I sought help and went to a psychiatric clinic for 8 weeks. Unfortunately, they only addressed the symptoms and not the causes. In the short term, it helped, but in the medium and long term, the box of sadness and memories was buried even deeper. After those 8 weeks, it took me several more months to find myself again. During that time, I realized even more how many wonderful people surrounded me. And now, finally, to Annika.
I was sitting at a friend’s dining table. I often felt the need to be alone, but I recognized that sometimes it’s good to have people around who understand you. My friend’s daughter – Annika, who was 10 years old at the time. We explained to her what was happening with me. And she understood. She jumped up and said, “We’re going to do therapy now. I’ll be right back.” She took a while but then returned, loaded with pens, papers, and a plan. Now I was curious.
She worked with me to explore what brings joy in life and what doesn’t. Of course, most of the suggestions came from her. But honestly, a child’s perspective on the world is often much more realistic. Simple. Beautiful. She put together entire lists of things I could do to be happy (Teaser: Check out the point at the bottom right of the list with the men (for my international readers: she really tried to find the perfect man for me – maybe I’ll tell you how she mentioned the handsome guy at the bus stop, who seemed perfect for me).
I am continually grateful for the amazing, wonderful people who cross my path or accompany me through life. Everyone has their own life story. So why not walk the path together?
That. Exactly that is what gives me Happy-bumble-bees.
P.S. I will report on what Annika does later in her life. What do you think?
P.P.S. Her twin brother, Jannik, is someone I should also mention. He has a heart as big as Annika’s. Once, when I was lying on the couch with a headache, Jannik, who had just learned to read, sat down next to me and read to me. Just like that.
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